I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
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