it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
Randomize