He told me I remind him of his sister...
Was this before or after you did it?
before... I mean, it's been a long time. I just tried not to think of it during.
i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
Randomize
