true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
Randomize
