so... another position just opened up(704) Oh really?(704) Is it John's?(704) Or did you find a new way to take a penis?
no, he came in my armpit
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
Randomize
