Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
whatever. as long as im no longer referred to as the girl who fucked the pledge on his big brother's couch.
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize
