ARI BLEW A 2.0 HAHAHAHAHAHHAHH THESE COPS ARE SO COOL!!!!
I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
20 People Confess What It’s Really Like To Live Under Sharia Law
I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
You know, be my cock's hype man.
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
21 Texts That Prove All the Magic Happens in Parking Lots
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.