My liver just broke up with me...
Funniest shit happened at the grocery store. This kid kept asking his mom for candy over and over and she told him 'daddy said no' and he screamed 'he isn't my dad' so loud everyone in the store was silent it was awesome.
There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
19 People Did The Wildest Things When They Were Black-Out Drunk
i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head.
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
21 Signs That A Dude is Probably Insane
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?