You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
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