I sk at the spereo and my dad gave me and all access pass
what???
AN ALL ACCESS PASSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS
woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
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