my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
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