I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
quick i need to know how implid consent works for golf carts
too late i think im gettin a gcui
Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
Randomize
