Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
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