i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
I woke up with a black eye and dim memories of announcing that i had super powers. I shoved my pockets full of canned tuna and tried to jump off the balcony. And then my boyfriend called the cops.
so you're not coming in to work today?
high people should be assigned attendants
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
My legs feel like baby dolphins
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
Randomize
