so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
Drunk walkin through police station. America
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
Blueberry probiotics greatly increase to the masturbation experience. Try it dude. It’s all the rage
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