my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
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