Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
She’s either doing coke or thinks my cock has the Covid vaccine. Either way I haven’t worn clothes in 3 days
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