so evidently yelling "gay" everytime your bf tells you how he feels is cause for breakup. news to me
When I'm drunk i like to pretend my penis is zeus and instead of peeing i'm throwing lightning bolts into the toilet...it helps me focus.
I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
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