Umm I'm too high to move.
After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
Announcement: Given the sad circumstances regarding the death of my dearest friend Chong the Bong, there will be a brief memorial service for him tomorrow evening at 10:30 at my place. After sharing some memories and sending his spirit off to the great bowl in the sky, we will all take place in the commemoration and maiden voyage of his son, Chong Squared, who eagerly waits to meet all of you. High blessings to you all, piece be with you.
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
Randomize
