The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
Just 30 Funny Tumblr Posts About Starbucks
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
18 People Are Kind Of A**holes But Also Completely Hilarious
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?