i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
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No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
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Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober