dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
25 Of The Most Cringeworthy Internet Stalking Fails
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
21 People Who Barely Escaped Death
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.