david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
He got hotter. I'm offended on behalf of the rest of our graduating year.
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?