I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
23 Men Confess The Moment They Realized They Wanted A Divorce
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
The 23 Most Inappropriate Things To Happen At A Funeral
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?