Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
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