I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
can you come here so we can have really loud sex? the girl upstairs walks so loud i want her to know how it feels
of course
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
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