great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
3 st and 6 ave. One dollar pitchers. Look out world.
i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
For sure shouldn't do homework after beers and joints. Just cited like 3 sentences at the end with (History, 2013)
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
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