So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
Quick question: how do I take a nice picture of my ass? I'm asking you because I figure with an ass like yours you're probably experienced.
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
Not my type, but the penis looks fun.
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
Randomize
