my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
I know he is still a student. I am not asking if his being an underwear model makes it more ethical, just less prosocutable.
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
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