Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
is he the 3rd person to bang everyone in our group?
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
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