She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
I forgot how hot balto sounded
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
So... In conclusion, do I bring my vibrator and risk not only having it getting taken out at security, but also exposing my dad to my neon green vibrator, or just leave it here?
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
Randomize
