i'm watching degrassi (go figure) and the episode is about jimmy not being able to get a boner and now he's famous and rapping about popping pussies..i dont get it.
after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
Randomize
