first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
Come on, it shouldn't be that hard NOT to suck someone's dick
God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
Randomize
