Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
Randomize
