When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
Randomize
