do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
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