Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
Random question, how's your gag reflex these days
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
I think the boy in my gender studies class cried when 90% of the girls said they had faked an orgasm
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
Would it be inappropriate to rub one out in the gym shower? I mean, technically, I pay $80 a month to do what I want so could they really say anything?
Shower is fine. Steam room is shady. I've probably done both at one point in my life so I can't be used as a good reference.
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
Randomize
