; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
I don't know where I keep finding these guys, but mi power bottoms es su power bottoms.
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