using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
We are two peas in an std pod
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
The cl.oudds are foaming a really big pen.Is OMG.
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize
