My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
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