Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
I went down on her for at least a half hour, She loved it, so I thought she'd recip. She said "I only do that if I know I'm getting something out of it."
SHUT IT DOWN.
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
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