Please explain to me what this has to do with my fantasy to fuck larry king?
had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
we were so desperate we resorted to lego blocks. nuff said.
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
i guess when we were done i grunted "unforgiveable" and walked out.
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
Randomize
