Where you are. You must stay where you are are
Where you are. You must stay where you are arewhere are youu
Where you are. You must stay where you 5eare wher are you!!
no more hot dogs for you........
fine no more vajj for you
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
Randomize
