in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
EMERGENCY: IS A KAREOKE RICKROLL ACCEPTABLE IN THE YEAR 2011?
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
When did angry sex become our thing?
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
Randomize
