I just threw up on my dentist
Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
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