New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
Randomize
