i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
Randomize
