Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
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