your room smells of hookers.
And success
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
she has over 3,000 tagged photos on facebook. dont tell me she isnt annoying.
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
april was a good month for me, sexually...doubled my number, had a threesome, fucked a girl for the first time and two different boys in one night. there should be a medal
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
Randomize
