either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
she was throwing up and singing "I HAD a feeling that tonight was going to be a good good night." And yeah she was still in her dress.
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
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he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
Its against the rules to not make you aware of his virgin situation prior to penetration
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
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I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
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