No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
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