Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
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