Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
Randomize
