i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
i think i just saw hanson at the grocery store. one might have been a girl. hard to tell. lets call that one taylor.
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
im pretty sure all they do is fuck. and talk in baby talk. its two babys fucking basically.
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
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