STUCK IN CAPS. WANA GET AFTER IT TOMORROW?
Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
Randomize
