i like that octo mom she is my favorite xmen
I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
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