I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
nothing as in nothinggggg kills the mood for me is when a girl with 4 cm nipple hair
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
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