why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
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