i know ur right I'm sorry I'm stupid and incompitent look I can't even spell incompetent right! Fuck!
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.