Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
I'd risk everything I own for 10 min naked with her, 2 would be sex and the rest me crying like a little girl.
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...