just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
ttyl tear gas
21 People Confess What It’s Really Like At An Orgy
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
These 15 Honest Illustrations Show What Women Do When No One Is Watching
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.