Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
You three are like the Bermuda Triangle for morals.
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
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