Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
he's just got his life so together and it makes my pussy wet.
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
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