dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
The is a pregnant woman in this Chipolte wearing a shirt that simply says ‘OOPS!’ across the tummy.
That baby is bound to be under-loved.
awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
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