Can Purell be used as lube?
I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
Randomize
