No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
My Uber driver last night was driving a taxi and tried to charge me fare.
You didn't get in your Uber because your ex was driving, that was a legitimate taxi.
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
Randomize
